My baby just decided to stand up and about and walk this afternoon. We were forutnate enough to capture it on video, but can’t seen to upload it here for some reason.

Music speaks through the barriers of understanding. Knowing not a word of what was said the song was moving and solemn. It was a very different time when it inspired me to pursue an attempt to create something as inspired and meaningful. But a few years brought about the realization that I don’t have such gifts, and that anything I make would sound mechanical.

Giving up is not acceptance, I did not give up, I understood. The crime was so impossible that I had forgone an attempt. Even if I succeeded it wouldn’t have lasted, but is knowing that it would not last a good enough reason? Would it have been worth it had it lasted for fifty seconds and gone the next minute? It has been so many years and I long to forget. I know, I’m talking about something else entirely now.

How did I end up with so many people depending on me?

The house is so quiet without my family. When I was younger, spending the day alone would be normal, preferable, as I don’t have to waste time attending to everyone else’s needs. The silence now is unsettling. No baby crying, no people scurrying about trying to calm him down. I have lot of things to do, but somehow, I don’t feel up to it. I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to lie down, or play a game, or watch a movie, or figure out more ways to mess up my toy cube. I don’t even feel like going to work.

A long time ago, I started questioning everything I believed in. Why our scheduled church trips never seemed quite right, why, even as a little kid, I could tell that these religious leaders, praying to their gods for help, were wrong. If they really believed their god to be omnipotent, why would they have the arrogance to tell him what to do?

Their messages were always half-baked, applicable only in the teeniest of circumstances and absolutely wrong to the rest. How could they say that their interpretations were god’s words? How can they be sure they were doing the right thing? Or are they aware, lack sincerity, and it was all just an elaborate scam to get our money tax-free? These were my thoughts at fourteen, and these are my thoughts still now.

I never found my answers in religion, and I’m sure not to start now.

I got back from school only to find that my baby fell down the stairs yesterday.

How old is your baby? Isn’t having a kid great? All of my concerns took a backseat to the welfare of my little human being when I helped bring him into the world. Everything else just suddenly seemed trivial, and that I would give up anything in the world to protect him. It’s almost an unexplainable sensation that no one who’s never had a child could ever understand.

I know I haven’t been a friend to you. I tried once, but I couldn’t even look at you straight. I can’t imagine anyone in their right minds ever wanting to leave you, so I would guess that the decision to separate from your husband was yours to make, and that you’re now waiting for something from him to make it official. I was always of the opinion that you were perfect, as pretty as you were smart, if I ever asked for a girlfriend back in high school, it would just be you. But I was going through a lot back then, and I wasn’t exactly nice.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, that if this really is your choice, don’t do it. Not that I have any right to tell you what to do, but I’d think it would be a very terrible thing for a kid to go through, and that I can’t ever imagine subjecting my baby to something similar. But I guess my opinions should be of little merit, as I am more or less just stranger to you, so just consider this just a little rant. I’m rather used to talking to myself anyway.

My cat died yesterday

There is something so inherently satisfying in seeing a mom or a dad who, at the end of the day’s coming home with a box of donuts, or a bag of cheeseburgers for their children. One day I will be doing the same for my son, when he’s finally old enough to actually eat. I didn’t mean to fall into the pit of marital contentment, but such isn’t a choice that I have the luxury to make.

I sacrificed sleep for two days just to be able to read all the materials covered for the midterms later. I guess the question is, will I be able to remember enough? If I fail, it certainly wouldn’t be because of any lack of effort on my part, I simply don’t have enough time. It doesn’t really matter, as I can just always take the subjects again. Of course I don’t plan on failing later though.

I’ve never really seriously reviewed for an exam before, but stock knowledge simply won’t cut it this time. I guess this must be how regular highschool kids feel before taking an exam they didn’t prepare for.

How can you prove a negative? There’s a little green intangible Leprechaun behind you that only I can see. Obviously my statement is not true. If you say that how can we know it’s not true, then, we can answer that with a reasonable amount of certainty, as there has never been a case where the existence of Leprechauns were ever proven, and that there are no little green Leprechauns behind you.

The burden of proof is often associated with the Latin maxim semper necessitas probandi incumbit ei qui agit, the best translation of which seems to be: “the necessity of proof always lies with the person who lays charges.” A person charged with a crime is always presumed innocent until proven guilty. We have very little laws punishing people for “being” because of the inherent difficulty of proving the absence of anything. To prove that someone was not at the scene of a crime, an alibi is provided that requires evidence that suspect was somewhere else, not evidences of his absence at the crime scene.

So if with “reasonable doubt” we can conclude someone is innocent after trials, and if with experiments and mathematical equations we have enough faith in our calculations to build skyscrapers, why won’t we use the same logic and reason with religion? Why do we insist on turning a blind-eye to the absurdity of the claims of a sect or a denomination?

With facts that we have observed within our lifetimes, we can work, build, bring criminals to justice, and heal people. Would you drink medicine that has not been proven to work and is more likely to kill you? Would you send a person to jail because he couldn’t “prove” that he did not do a crime as opposed to the prosecution proving that he did? What kind of justice system would we have if we didn’t use logic and reason in evaluating evidence?

For all the years of the existence of the world’s major religions, there has been no concrete proof of the validity of the various deities that they claim to exist. Of course, there’s always this minute possibility that, somehow, someway, one of their gods might be real, and is just doing a really good job of hiding himself, but what are the chances of that? We can say for a reasonable human certainty that, their gods aren’t real.

It is so much easier to just claim ignorance and to stop thinking. People seem to think leaving open questions in debates and discussions is profound, when it is so much more difficult to see the questions through and actually try to answer them.

Whilst I was thinking that memorizing articles 1 to 20 of our country’s revised penal code would be extremely difficult, our professor has taken it up on himself to add 10 more articles onto our to do list. Article 14 takes up 2 pages on its own, and now we have Articles 1 to 30 to work on. Every comma, period, and number, has to be enumerated EXACTLY or else it’d be a one point deduction. Imagine forgetting an entire article and that’s 50 to 100 words already.

Surprisingly, I seem to be coping, and I have done well so far. Looking forward to our trips to the senate and congress, places once populated by some of the brightest people in the country, now filled with ex-basketball players, rebels, murderers, and first class crooks. How can these people make laws if they’ve never set foot in a law school? Americans complain about Obama’s rock star image and how that got him to the office, but really, he is a highly educated hard working man, who works 12 hours a day. In our country, our congressmen and senators have time to leave the country just to watch Pacquiao’s fight, gamble in Casinos, and come out in TV shows, while much-needed laws rot-away in obscurity. When was the anti-wire tapping law last amended? Doesn’t anyone else in the senate realize that this is in dire need of updating? When was the last time anyone actually ever USED wires and tape recorders to listen into conversations? The only recent examples of such incidents were clearly setups used by a well-known senator using his outdated under-handed techniques to get publicity.

Seriously, the more one realizes how deeply-rooted this country’s problems are, everything start’s to look so much bleaker. Is there really any hope here? Are people ever going to wake up and stop voting airheaded actors and altruists into office? The government should be populated by the country’s best people, and right now, it’s a pothole for the country’s worst. The bigger crook your are, the more votes you can buy, anyone with the simplest message that the “masa” gets, wins the popularity contest. The world isn’t black and white, its not you’re either against us or with us, every issue has different shades of gray, none of the country’s problems can be solved by just flipping a “yes or no” switch. Our problems are much more complicated than that.