Keptquisling’s Weblog

The house is so quiet without my family. When I was younger, spending the day alone would be normal, preferable, as I don’t have to waste time attending to everyone else’s needs. The silence now is unsettling. No baby crying, no people scurrying about trying to calm him down. I have lot of things to do, but somehow, I don’t feel up to it. I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to lie down, or play a game, or watch a movie, or figure out more ways to mess up my toy cube. I don’t even feel like going to work.

A long time ago, I started questioning everything I believed in. Why our scheduled church trips never seemed quite right, why, even as a little kid, I could tell that these religious leaders, praying to their gods for help, were wrong. If they really believed their god to be omnipotent, why would they have the arrogance to tell him what to do?

Their messages were always half-baked, applicable only in the teeniest of circumstances and absolutely wrong to the rest. How could they say that their interpretations were god’s words? How can they be sure they were doing the right thing? Or are they aware, lack sincerity, and it was all just an elaborate scam to get our money tax-free? These were my thoughts at fourteen, and these are my thoughts still now.

I never found my answers in religion, and I’m sure not to start now.